Updated: Nov 5, 2019
No one told me that my breasts were going to itch like I wanted to rip the skin off, to burn when she first latches on, to stay erect painfully for hours after. That let down would hit whenever and where ever your body deemed and it would feel, firstly like my boobs were going to explode, them leak so much I wake in a puddle literally of my own milk . And thats not even when she cries, it's an instant gusher. No one warned me that I would feel like I was carrying rock around and no bras would ever fit properly again no matter how professional the measurement . Some thing would scratch at the back, be too tight around the side and feel like sand paper over the nipple even with pads in. (if I wasn't leaking as much I would throw the pads away as they hurt, bunch up and rasp my whole nipple area. )
I was unaware that I would feel guilty when I breast feed that she wasn't getting enough, there is no ounce-age on the side of your breast to measure. To feel useless when I bottle fed as I wasn't doing what nature intended and formula is for calves not babies as its cows milk based and full of additives. I can't win, I feel literally let down what ever I do. And the kicker is that she would like the bottle better than my breast , its hard not to take that personal, from a 6 week old !
I understand the woman of other cultures who tie their kids to them and hang out bear breasted weather permitting so the baby can fed at will . The continual and eternal faffing with nursing bras and comfortable tops, covers if in public. The change in your body temperature when you feed, no one told me it raises it and you feel like you're feeding in a sauna. Sweat mixing with all the other body fluids, nice! In the classes they didn't cover that which ever breast you're not feeding from will drip and you will need either a pad to mop it up, or my personal favourite to express from it at the same time with your child kicking the cup off and allowing your hard earned liquid gold to soak in to your waist band.
No one told you the ecstasy you will feel from either breast feeding or bottle of little eyes peering up at you trusting and innocent. The love you will feel that you cry, flooding even more bodily fluids into the mix. The peace and serenity of those late night, early mornings and quiet times with just you and your baby. The feeling of then needing you and you providing for them. The weird and wonderful positions that will get them selves in to milk drunk and all floppy on your chest or in your arms. The satisfaction of the burp that comes after a good feed and little dribbles and sometimes large liquid deposits on your clothes. No one warns you the warm fuzzies you will feel all over as you tuck them in for the night full and sleepy.
I was unaware the enormity of emotions someone so little would evolve in me, that all the pain and discomfort, the wet spots and the weird hours would be the best moments of my life that I will forever treasure and thank the universe the stars and every deity for. Burning boobs aside its all worth it. x