Updated: Nov 5, 2019
Like the first time you say or write your age after a birthday and it hits you, your new reality. Becoming or being a mum ( to me ) feels like that! It hasn't really hit me yet. And she is three weeks old, I stare at her head, kiss her sweet cheeks, love her more than the world itself but it still feels well unreal. Not detached or post natal depression unattached and this is a real thing and a serious concern and needs to be addressed and helped in every way. Just unreal , like I can't believe my luck! You see I wished and prayed and threw coins in to fountains and blew out candles and blew dandelions and eyelashes and pulled wishbones and ....... You get the picture to have her, I had help getting her in, and then you'll see from other posts had help getting her out. The pregnancy although not smooth went by so quick as I was preoccupied with all the physical things that came with it, that 9 months went and here she is. As I said the birth was a whirlwind, although I have the scar to prove it happened. Now I am going through the paces or being put through my paces, feeding , sleeping , pooping (and thats just me). But having been a nanny for so long with tinnie tiny ones, I'm used to the paces. Except this one is mine and I don't get to nor want to hand her back at the end of the day. Im loving it, just doesn't feel real. She doesn't feel mine yet.
I guess I am still in the bubble of new parenthood, the whirlwind, haze , mist of exhaustion and exhilaration and adrenaline of first time mother. The drama of expectation and hope. Swept up in the physicality of it all, the birth and its limitations to me body after (C section ) milk not coming in , then coming in and her not latching, turned out tongue tied, then my nipples hurting so much in the first few days of her latching on , I was wondering what I had wished for ! But everything is settling down, which is the truth of being a parent, you get the hang of it, in a mixed up fan dangled way , it all comes together, it's completely unique and wonderful to you and your baby , your partner and your family. What I have to keep saying to myself like I told all my mums when I was working is , you've got this !!
Ps I had a birthday one week after she was born , so still working on that age thing !