In canoeing terms , it means to purposely capsize yourself and turn your boat upside down, to them wait a minute and using your paddle right yourself. For me Mother hood is bit of that , well to begin with becoming a mother was like being up a certain creek without a proverbial paddle and feeling like you are underwater. Every thing goes fast and slow at the same time, days melt in to each other, but you get nothing done like you are walking underwater. Everything is in slow motion as life happens around you and presto suddenly you need air and come up to the surface, Your baby is 8 months and you need to get your act together. This is what has happened to me and I'm pleased to say I feel like I have a semi firm grip on that paddle and am being to right myself.
Laundry is actually getting done , and I mean I did it before but in a daze. Food shopping is achieved and I even know what I am buying this time, I now go with a list . Aha yes the list is on the come back. It has to be baby brain is a very real thing and that has not resumed normal programming yet and I'm sorry to say Im feeling like it never will . Im told by mums that are in this club over 10/20 years , the mummy tummy and the baby brain are here to stay no matter what.
Im actually succeeding in a menu plan and cooking food. Im getting little things done in the day that is making me feel some semblance of normal again. Its wonderful. Im taking lunches pre packed with me for after her classes, walking to class rather than frazzled car journey in the nick of time, She and this is the big one has an at home sleep schedule. Now when I say at home, it when we are at home she sleep twice in the day , one morning one afternoon nap. Most of the time, I don't care, her classes are in such a variety of places from Coleriane to Portstewart to Ballymoney and different times, that I can't , she can't have a same time ( never same place) sleep. Which is actually something I am proud that she can do . I am not a stickler as some of mothers I have worked for on having the child sleep in their bed at a same time same place routine. Its very limiting. Your child needs to learn sleep in the car, in the pushchair , travel cot, their cot in the day , in the dark etc as life is very fluid and as a parent, you need your baby to go along with it . Once they are toddlers and bigger wee ones you can have the well deserved afternoon nap time. Thats you and them. I always tried to have an out walk too , fresh air is so good for wee ones, all weathers, seasons you need to bite the bullet and get out and about.
But I can feel a life , a routine as such come back maybe not routine, scratch that a rhythm to our lives and it feels good. She has got her place in the family and I have found my new one with her. I like sitting down at the end of the day feeling like I got something constructive done, even if it was wash my hair and make a cup to tea for the health visitor.
I feel like I am navigating the boat for once not getting bounced about on the river of life, or going under as I did a few weeks ago. Not quite abandon ship but I felt I was going definitely taking on water. Im beginning to see a light at the end go the tunnel to get my bearings and to chart a course. Lots of nautical references ladies. But it is great and I'm hoping this blog brings you some relief that what ever it is , it will pass, you will regain parts of yourself back. I can be the lighthouse showing that there is dry land beyond. That those ladies who look like they have it together are
A- were treading water just like you probably
B- managed to find a safe harbour.
I don't think I will ever be right again and or normal as such. The days are gone, I'm in more like a daze than anything. But I feel like I have successfully completed the manoeuvre. Motherhood is a physical endeavour and challenge one complete. And I still have my paddle ........