Updated: Jul 5, 2019
So I ate something dodgy or more likely too much and feel like I have a food baby in there and slightly sick ( not at the thought ) It did remind me of when I was pregnant. This time last year actually so still fresh . And the nausea made it fresher still. I had a momentary lapse of , do I want to go through this again , feel like this again ? I have a couple of friends in various stages of pregnancy right now and two are and were suffering with morning sickness, one badly. I fell ( head first in to the toilet daily ) into that category too. I got sick from the moment I conceived to five hours after I gave birth. I didn't react well with the drugs ! But I was also warned many times over. When I was thinking about heading down this road, two friends said, heck Ill give you an egg but I WONT GO THROUGH PREGNANCY for you. ( in context Im an older mum and was worried I would not be able to get pregnant ) I did think it was a funny and slightly weird thing to say. But now out the other end and the reminder of what it felt like again, I get it !! Pregnancy for me sucked. Giving birth for me wasn't a good experience. Anyone who has read from the first blog can attest to that. But it was the start of my labour of love. Labour to every day labouring, childbirth to child rearing.
Now Im a year ( nearly) into the life sentence ( said with love ) the labour continues , babies are messy , smelly, sticky wee beings. You and them at any given time are covered with bodily fluids , be it theirs from all ends or your own. ( BF ) or sneezing ( you know what I mean ) My little one has taken to licking any skin she finds bare, arms , shoulder, face , my stomach when I'm lying on the floor. They need constant attention when young and constant surveillance when older. If they are not throwing up their food on you, they are throwing it at you , the cat, the floor. They will eat anything and everything, toys, dust, old cheerios and in my case stones, around the outside of our house and today from the beach !
When they sleep, you don't, you kinda go in to a daze at night , while still listening for them. And when they fart, cough or roll over you're up to check if they are ok, breathing, alive! The house is a mess, the laundry never ending especially with cloth nappies. Social life is non existent as you either have a babysitter that even if they are family and even if they raised you , you still worry that they might not be doing as you would, therefore your wee one will be screaming house down. Or you take wee one with you to restaurant and only catch fag ends of conversations , eat your meal in shifts with your partner and constantly worry that your wee one is screaming the place down. Playdates, be it inside and out is just mainly eating stuff you shouldn't and will never help to get rid of the mummy tummy that you tell yourself, they came out of and are proud of that , but really society says you should have bounced back , put down that cake! And a hot beverage you don't actually get to finish just sip at while cold. You are either rocking said baby, or trying to stop them to rocking other children, if not wandering off unattended.
Your life now consists of being a pack horse. Technology has made things easy for everyone but parents. Now days you can just survive with your phone if you wanted to , leaps in contactless payments means no purse. Or bag. Wouldn't that be nice........... my nappy bag, thats so huge consists of spare clothes, bottles, drinks, toys, blanket, sun hat if warm , warm hat if cold, suncream, snack, muslin, dummies plus spare one, medicines, nappies, wipes, creams. Then there is my stuff in another bag , plus reusable coffee cup and water bottle, am trying to make a world to leave to the little blighters. Shoved under pushchair is sunshade and rain cover for them , rain coat for you..... the list continues
Evening are made up of tidying up, trying to make edible food, getting everyone in to comfy clothes, them pjs, you sweat pants and lying on couch. Both your partner and you are usually too tired to speak or have any special time. And your common interests are the box sets that you both like and now binge on. Date night is a take away and buying movie on sky !
But as the title might suggest, every single minute is worth it. As my nausea passes, the answer is no I don't want to feel like that again, I'm stopping at perfect with her. And perfect she is. I love every day , every funny little moment of watching her navigate the world and come tell me about it in her own little way. Motherhood, being a parent really is a labour of love, and My labour of love continues and grows with every passing day. I ( we ) would not have it any other way.