Updated: Nov 5, 2019
Wow, it is a force greater than anything I have ever known. I got sucked in to the vortex of it the other night , I mean I knew I had acquired it with the birth of my wee one and dragging myself out of the house, post c section, with a 10 day old, to a latching coffee morning to get my daughter checked for tongue tied. The things we do for love ! But last night I was not in control of my body or my mind. You see I had the notion to move wee one into her own room, she's 6 months, was waking at 3 am and I thought it might have been from us , normal sounds and movements in the night unsettling her ( namely her fathers snoring ...... think freight train and grinding teeth )! But I could not do it...... I had moved the cot , got her nursery all set up as I wanted it. I had moved furniture round all day to get it just right. The monitor was set properly so I could hear her, yes I had tested it. She had lain in her cot and gurgles away happily in the day. Not an inkling of doubt, slight intimidation and maybe excitement ? This was a mile stone anyway. That night she was all soft and sleepy in her pjs and the time was upon us and could I do it ......... you guessed it NO.
As a nanny, no problem. Pop them in their beds and have a wee break. Help other Mums and Dads arrange nursery's just right ( see I know what I am doing after 25 yrs ) so that their wee ones can become independent of them and everyone can reclaim their spaces and rooms. But comes to me , could not do it. Have to say other half took one look at me, and silently put cot right back where it was in our room as well as monitor and its like nothing ever moved. Good hubby !!
Maybe because my wee one was so hard fought and won ? Or is this normal ? I know and advocate that milestones and stepping stones need to be reached but in their own time, turns out its in our own time too. I never saw that coming !!!
She didn't care yet , she wasn't even given the chance to have an opinion on the subject , I physically could not do it. To the point I froze on the couch. Not only could I not put her in her own room, I could not move off couch. I have never experienced anything like that before, she was in my arms and I was shaking, about to burst in to tears at the thought of being parted from her. OK so I have only just been able to put her down in cot ( in our room ) to sleep. It is usually in car, or pushchair and if home in my arms on couch next to me. I can only attribute the force that came over me as maternal ! Its like something that when they are born , you are born too with these super powers. As babies and toddlers we are the undead army of night walkers in the half lit hallways around the world. The one that gets a fraction of the bed when they all pile in cos they can't sleep.
I know we would kill and die for our kids. We will move Heaven and Earth for them. We want the best and will go without to provide for them. I call it the 'burnt toast theory' ,Terry Hatcher of Superman series, came up with it. Mums ( mostly ) will eat the burnt toast so that their kids have the nice bits , we will do this in all facets of life for them. Get cried on , grizzled at, sit for hours next to sick ones. (snot, phlegm, vomit, runny tummy , projectile)! Read the same book over and over, sing the same songs again and again! Push them on the same swing till our arms drop off and be ever present to them accomplishing all manners of confidence building adventures that we have to watch.. Watch me..... You're not watching !! Sit for endless hours in and at swimming lessons. Stand on frost bitten fields cheering , sit through hours of practise and concerts of music, drama. School plays and shows , etc. As I said above all for love
Thats what material instinct is ..... Pure love ( I think ) It is unconditional , forever, unchanging loyalty to this person, who may have their quirks and faults but you will never not love them , support them , protect them , want them and need them as much and if not more than they need you ! So my wee one will be happily for me, absconded in our room next to my side of the bed for a wee while later.
I get the feeling that she is going to tell me she's leaving when she can speak , that or ask for ear plugs !!