Yesterday I had a bad day.... with lockdown dragging and new restrictions being imposed daily, I had had enough. Mental health week was last week and it made me very aware that everyone is being effected in some way by the uncertainty of this year. We are all worried about our physical health but it's our mental health that has taken a battering I feel.
As I said yesterday the monotony of not being allowed out really , as there is no one to see, nowhere thats safe to go and nothing to do, got me down. Motherhood itself is lonely by definition. Unless you go speed dating with your child, making connections once all the fuss of a new baby has simmered down can be daunting. If your like me, I don't have family to fall back on to fill the adult conversation void. It can be a very isolating existence. Couple that with all the expectations of society and peers, partners and your own parents put on you , it is very overwhelming. Ive decided to add an extra layer to my voices in my head , past professional practises. In my past life as a seasoned professional child entertainer ie career nanny, I always had something up my sleeve to make sure the child was stimulated. Hitting their parents expectations of paying me to do xyz. It’s that nanny voice that says I'm a bad mother because my child has not achieved anything today, I have not been productive, proactive. I should be onto floor doing puzzles, flash cards and paper mâché somethings. Not planting my mini me in front of the tv or giving her the iPad. Although in my defence she watches and plays education things. Colours and counting.
But thats just it, I'm defending my choice... against who? Im judge and jury and the justification as well. I figure if I struggling and fighting with myself, then others might be as well. So this blog isn't about all those wonderful ideas to break the boredom that we the pre school age kids mum face. It's a cry of solidarity literally as we are all alone in this together. That we are the forgotten masses. We are all feeling the strain, the separation. The cancelled coffee groups, classes and playdates and playgroups . Heck even playgrounds are a bit dodgy now. Our life blood that was family and friends has been removed and there is a void for everyone involved. Its messing with our kids sense of development and self, it definitely messing with my mind. So I can imagine silently ( or not in my loud mouth case ) it's hitting others emotionally and mentally. So heres the thing I've come up with .... That it's ok not to be ok some days. To feel pressure, to feel loss, to feel isolated in isolation. We must work through feelings of frustration and helplessness. That we and I mean us and our kids need conversation, interaction and support and that a whole generation of children and parents are a wee bit lost in the confusion of it all.
So pop on the tv, fire up the iPad, get them to tip all the toys out , you boil the kettle and let them have at it. We have to find ways to cope these days. I won't feel guilty as I've played with every toy, done every puzzle ten times over with my wee one. If I'm having an off day , then write it off and start again tomorrow.